He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
