dude i'm inner monologue high
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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