Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Randomize
