I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
