I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
