Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
