told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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