so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
