youre lurking in front of me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
