and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
