As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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