Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Can i not drive my cunt home
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
