i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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