Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
