If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
