my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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