I met the friendliest cop last night
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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