on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
