Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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