for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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