Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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