I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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