Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize