This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
