My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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