In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize