It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
