You smell like stripper and shame
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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