this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
