and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize