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• (510): View more from California

  dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?

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• (207): View more from Maine

  That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.

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• (310): View more from California

  Just called the consul general of France "dude"

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed

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