As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
