i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
