Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she told me i tasted like america
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
