she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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