never play flip cup with pint glasses
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
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