i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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