I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
