The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
