please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
