I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
