I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you traded sex for a burrito?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
