the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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