but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
