What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
