"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you would pick up someone in the library
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Randomize
