if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
