Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
