Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
