Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
