you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
