i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
A+ Viking dick
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize