Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
