Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dicks are not precious.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
