i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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