yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
