so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
