went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
