Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
