I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
