1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she woke up with a sticky ear
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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