I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ๐๐ผ
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say heโs having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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