walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
