Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
