Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
