happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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