My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
