I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
