Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
