that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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