so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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